At the moment I am sitting upright in bed, feeling quite anxious to write as I've suddenly had the words flow through my mind. I am listening to the song, "Then" by Brad Paisley. It's the song that Andrew posted on my Facebook just the other day. And now it is what I have to remind me of him in nights like this when our distance is lingering on the surface. There are so many hidden meanings in all the small measures made to stay close. A sweet song to express I love you in a way only you understand. A simple e-mail in the morning to say I'm thinking about you and I love you. A simple text message saying I almost went a day without saying I love you! A quick phone call to say you would've loved being here. Every word matters and every word determines the flow of the day.
Often when I think of the words Facebook, Skype, Hotmail, Phone, Picture, I am conflicted. These are ways to keep in touch with loved ones. These are also ways that allowed me to meet Andrew and learn the incredible man that he is. But now, they feel like constant reminders of frustration and sacrifice. It is nearly 7 months since I last saw my close friends and family in Utah. I can't help but wish I never had to sign in to a single online website again or pick up a phone and dial a number.
This solitary way of keeping close to loved ones has created a barrier - it is a thin layer, but I have to admit that I feel it there. We all have to adjust at some point when placed in a new environment and culture. And innocently that's what I've done. I've had to in order to keep my head above water and face each day. It's not something you'd ever wish to get used to, but it's necessary. I have found as more people ask of my love story, there are so many individuals out there who have either experienced something similar, or know someone who has. The technological world we live in has created possibilities to connect but strips the authenticity of our relationships. It's as I always say about e-books, I prefer my paperbacks; the smell of the pages, to feel the weight of it in my hands, the way my nose gets buried in its spine...
Words. All we have is words when we can no longer reach across and feel the comfort of fingertips to fingertips.
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