Life is a Constant Awakening

I awoke Saturday morning fighting the light. I heard the alarm go off and felt Andrew turn over in reaction.  It was too early but I knew I had to get myself into gear to arrive at the train station on time.  I hit snooze and pulled the covers up wanting only to snuggle in a little longer. But my conscience wasn't  having it, it was time to greet the day. I turned to Andrew to see his eyes open searching for mine. He then said softly, "I received a message I think you need to read." Startled, I took his phone and read what was in front of me. The message was from my mom, my grandpa George had passed away. Andrew wrapped his arms around and the news began to sink in...

My mind swarmed with memories of him. I thought of the time he took me and my step-brothers to Smith lake for the day. I was a bit shy and he convinced me to go play volleyball with some kids near us. He sat patiently through the day while me and my step-brothers were rambunctious, riding the zip line into the lake over and over again. Only a few months ago I remember posting a music video on Facebook of Eric Church's song, 'Smoke a Little Smoke'.

He asked, 'Who is this Eric Church?' & 'You better not be smokin' a little smoke.' I teased him in return by informing him I wouldn't do it without him joining in! That was grandpa George, always cracking jokes and caring about his family. Technically, I was his step-granddaughter, no blood relation whatsoever, and from a completely different upbringing, but he never failed to treat me equally with his own grandchildren. 

Along with these memories I thought about my other grandpas passing away in the recent years before. I was living in a different state from my grandpa Elmo and was unable to attend his funeral. I have always felt a sting of regret when I think about not being there with my family. And the strongest impact to my dad's family, was when my grandpa Owen passed away. He was the first close member in the family to pass away and seemed to have been what kept us all together. But my grandpas left behind many beautiful people to carry on in this world.

I don't mean to write this blog searching for sympathy or to dramatise my loss. I understand that we all lose loved ones. But death can really open your eyes to how precious time is. I no longer have any grandpa in my life and realize I am getting older. I think it was Saturday night, I was feeling a bit down after the busy day came to an end. I said to Andrew, 'Losing my grandpa makes me think of all the new babies being born at the same time.' He said he was thinking the same exact thing. And that's right, with death there is life, they walk hand in hand.

I am grateful to still be here carrying on the memories of all those who have created me throughout my life. My heart reaches out the most to my step-dad Jim. He lost a dear father and good friend. I can happily say thank you grandpa George for leaving behind a man who can be my dear father and my good friend to guide me in my life.